My Birth Story & Beyond

There is the phenomenon that happens in some mothers where they remember the experience of labor but they forget it at the same time, and from my experience, it’s just enough forget to get pregnant again. The joy and reward of the new life in your hands color the memory of the preceding pain. This is known as the halo effect. My doctor said they are even studying this experience from mothers on PTSD patients. I say all this to say that I am sharing my experience with you but also saving it here for me.

This is my 3rd delivery and I shared my pregnancy story on the blog as well, here. Each experience has been unique and this one by far has been the most eventful, at least it has after birth. I had major anxiety about the delivery and aftercare (or lack thereof) this time around. I was scared something terrible would happen to me. I expressed this to my husband and my OB. We just kept praying that all would be well.

It was on the evening of January 2, 2022, that I start having intense contractions. I had a false alarm a few days earlier, where the contractions were fairly rhythmic, but they were not increasing intensity. so they sent me home. I had hoped my water would break like it did the first time so Id know for sure it was happening, but nope. I had been 3 cm dilated for weeks with no progress, but on the 2nd, those contractions started to hurt a little more. Side note: whoever said braxton hicks are uncomfortable is sugar coating things, for me they hurt. So I get to the hospital that evening and finally get confirmation that I am 5 cm dilated. That seems to be the magical number, 5. I get admitted to a room & try to hold off on getting the epidural as long as I can. Hours go by and I have not dilated any further so they threaten me with the dreaded P word (Pitocin) if I do not progress within a specific timeframe. A part of me feels like they rush things and there is not an actual medical reason for it but thats another conversation for another day.

At some time in the middle of the night (it’s already starting to blur and I am only 13 weeks postpartum haha), I cannot deal with the contractions and ask them to bring in the epidural. I really just needed some relief from the pain so that I could get some sleep. They prep me and insert the epidural in. It took them two attempts, ouch. It is really hard to relax when the contractions are so intense, but they need you to so they can get it inserted into the right spot. Once the epidural goes in, that is when my shiver/shakes intensify, but it did help with the pain some, not completely.

They check me again in the morning, January 3rd, around 7 am, and I had not moved from 5 cm. By the way, I went into the hospital around 830 pm on Jan 2. In comes the Pitocin and my OB breaks my water. I had it with all 3 of my kids and it really does make the contraction even more intense. The Pitocin also makes me shiver. I am going to skip the details here as I want to mostly focus on after the delivery. After 15 hours of labor, with 20 minutes of pushing, at 11:03 am, out comes a beautiful baby. We were not aware of his gender until he came out - it was another beautiful baby boy, my 3rd one. We had no name picked out for a boy, only a girl, and just moments before it was time to turn in the birth certificate, we decided upon his name, Colin Ezra (talk about pressure).

After delivery, for the most part it was business as usual. We got a strong latch from my son, my vitals were looking good, he was healthy, all was well. Then it came time for the first pee. I realized my legs were not working. I could not move them. I freaked out, but thought, well maybe the epidural has not fully worn off. With the help of my nurse, and my husband, they basically carried me to the restroom to collect my first urine sample. The next few times I had to go to the restroom, I required assistance. By the next morning, I still struggled to move my legs and they were extremely swollen. I had re-gained some feeling in them, but not enough to walk without assistance. We ended up having to stay an extra night because the baby was not eating enough nor pooping or peeing. His bilirubin was high and his glucose was low. While there, my OB calls in a physical therapist to take a look at my legs. The PT is concerned so she calls in a prescription for a walker and states I need to start PT immediately after discharge.

Everything resolves enough for baby, for us to be discharged & to be seen by our pediatrician the following day. We are home, take care of what needs to be taken care of, and all seems to be okay. A couple nights pass, around January 7th, I am passing massive clots on my pad. Well, one gets stuck and it is extremely uncomfortable. I cannot pull it out. I call my OB after -hour line and this OB instructs me to go the hospital. The area is very sensitive as I had 2nd degree tears. I head in and the male OB (he was rough), states that he would need to go in to remove it. I am terrified as my vagina feels like it was hit by a bat as is, I do not want anything else going in it. The mamas who have had tears, know what I mean. He says it is the best way. The nurse kindly lets me hold her hand as he goes in with the speculum to remove it. From there, he sees other clots, so he is digging in there clearing out the area. I am sent home several hours later, and am bleeding normally, with small clots. But definitely traumatized.

Then the next night, the swelling in my legs seems to be getting worse, specifically in my right leg. I carry on as best I can but by the late afternoon the next day, I start getting a terrible headache and I just feel dizzy and disoriented. I had a BP cuff on hand thankfully because during pregnancy my BP was SUPER low, like 80/40. I decide to check my BP and it is like 160/100. So I make another call to the OB after-hours and I am once again instructed to go back in. At this point, I am frustrated and in tears. Mind you, I still can hardly walk. I am using a walker and my legs barely worked. I felt like I gave my best effort during pregnancy to eat clean and work out and now it felt like I did it all that for nothing. They hook me up to the BP monitor and my BP starts going even higher. It got up to like 200!!! The OB told me I was at high risk for seizure or stroke given how high my BP was. At this point, I am still crying, distraught, and they send my husband and baby out to the car to wait for me. Due to high COVID cases from omicron variant, it was unsafe for the baby to be there. I insisted on my husband going home, but he too was worried. Not to sound dramatic, but I really was not sure I would make it out of that hospital alive. Postpartum pre-eclampsia is very rare and it is very serious. I was nursing him at the time, and in the beginning that is super hard, and I was worried about nipple confusion. They spent hours waiting on me, and my husband ended up having to ask for a formulate bottle from the hospital. I end up getting diagnosed with postpartum pre-eclampsia with low heart rate, and had to be admitted.

Colin and Paul visiting me at the hospital

I am in the room, with no windows, and the most painful IV administration of magnesium is about to be given. They insert a catheter, which feels way worse without the epidural, as the magnesium medication causes you to feel disoriented, so you cannot leave the bed for the full 24 hour administration. I was warned that it would be bad, but oh my, BAD was an understatement. You could feel the medication going in, it burned so bad, and it just had me feeling TERRIBLE. So I lay there alone, in this dark room, in a severely short staffed hospital, just wanting to be home with my new baby, and my boys. I somehow managed to maintain pumping to keep up my supply and to send some milk back with my husband. Him and Colin were able to come up 1 day for a couple hours, but it was risky. They never could figure out why my pulse was so low. It was in the 40s which scared me & concerned the medical team. I had the expected response to the magnesium, and the BP meds they started me on seemed to be doing its job. They had another PT come check out my legs, but nothing was clear as to why they were not working. The guess is that it was nerve damage related to either the pushing position or the epidural. After 2 nights there, I am discharged. I had never been so happy to go home in my life. It was the hardest, loneliest nights and all my emotions were heightened as my hormone are through the roof. Even still after all these weeks have passed, it still gets me very emotional.

I get a call the next day from home that I have a UTI that I likely contracted from the catheter. My OB calls me in a prescription to start right away. I look up this medication in my MommyMeds app to ensure it is safe for breastfeeding, despite being told so by my doctor. It had a note that said it is not safe for baby with high bilirubin. I call my pediatrician immediately as I know Colin is still dealing with this and she tells me to stop taking it. So I call my OB back and she puts me on another med. This story, and my BP issues, are reasons why it is so important to advocate for your own health. I ask her if she will see me sooner and re-test me once i finish the dose. The nurse did not seem to think this would be necessary but agreed. I go in and the UTI was NOT clear. I end up having to go in the hospital AGAIN to get a IV antibiotics to treat this UTI as it was unresponsive. I ask once again to be re-checked. My OB did not think it was necessary, so I went to a very old PCP who agreed to check it. Get this guys…the PCP’s staff contaminates my sample and NEVER sends it in. So I call my OB back and ask. The nurse agrees, and she wanted to follow-up with me any way for my BP and my legs. The UTI comes back clear, hallelujah. Honestly there is more to this story, but I am trying not to make this blog post a novel.

I am still going to PT 2-3 times per week but I am happy to report that around 6 weeks PP I no longer required the use of a walker. I am going to be seen by another doctor, and likely a neurologist to follow-up on the issues I am having. My BP is being managed now, and I have not had any UTI issues. I am in a much better place than I was a few weeks ago, but boy has it been hard. When you have a baby, it is hard enough without all these issues, but this just really took it over the top. I have dealt with postpartum depression with my other pregnancies, and I had hoped it would be avoided this time. I think these issues definitely brought me down, but I have not felt as hopeless as I did in the past. I am thankful to not experience the full blown PPD this time around.

As I mentioned above, it is very important that we advocate for our health. I think our healthcare system does a terrible job at taking care of mothers. We have the highest rate of maternal mortality among developed countries and it is easy to see why. Black maternal mortality rates are 3-4 times higher than white women. The baby gets several visits after being born, which is great, but the mother is not seen until a whole 6 weeks later. I am usually cautious with my health, but had I not been, and just went to sleep that night without checking my BP and calling my OB, I am not sure I would still be here to tell this story. Most people do not even have a BP cuff in their home. My OB was very confused that I was having such a hard time, and honestly did a poor job preparing me for what to look out for afterwards, even despite the fact that she knew I had major anxiety, I feel like sometimes we just know things. She is a good doctor, but I felt like the whole system did not have time for me. Everything felt rushed and there wasn’t enough time spent on education and care. Thankfully, I have access to resources and was able to ensure that my son and I’s issues were addressed. Tap into your resources, ask questions, read books, and have a friend who has been through it to reach out to. Do not ignore anything. I know it is easy to get caught up in the million of things that are happening post-baby, but baby needs you here. If you do not have that person, please reach out to me or consider hiring a doula. This was not my first experience being re-hospitalized after baby, but this time was much harder.

I appreciate the prayers please as I work to re-gain full strength of my legs, and that my BP issues will resolve. I also appreciate your time for reading this and I would love to hear below if you had any crazy experiences too. I am so thankful to God for this life and through this I am yet again reminded how precious life is. Us mamas are amazing and really are superhero’s.

Thanks for stopping by, XoXo.

Third Times a Charm - Sharing Why We Decided to use Cord Blood Registry this Time

Well, here we grow again. If you do not know our story, we are expecting our third child due January 17th and he or she is a little miracle growing inside of me. After being told I was likely infertile, I accepted the fact that we would be a family of 4. But a few months later, to our surprise, we found out that I was pregnant with another little one, making us a family of 5. We plan to keep the gender a surprise until delivery day and I cannot wait to meet him/her!

This pregnancy has been different. It started off the roughest pregnancy EVER and after 17 weeks, it has been the easiest out of the 3. I definitely went from 2 different extremes. The plan is that this will be our last little one, so I want to make the most of it. I had heard of Cord Blood Registry but never took the step forward to educate myself on what it actually is. I asked a few friends on social media if they ever tried it and I got back several responses from people who wish they had. I have really been feeling this tug in my heart to do it this time around — I cannot really describe it past a feeling or intuition that I think I should listen to. Shortly after this, I heard from a friend who had done it and sometimes it’s just these types of personal conversations that are exactly the push you need to move forward.

I began to educate myself on what newborn stem cells are and the benefits that come with preserving them. I specifically was drawn to Cord Blood Registry because they are leading the industry. I see signs everywhere at my OB office, and honestly, even at my previous OBGYN offices. To me, this is a sign that they are trusted by my provider and previous providers. They have stored the most newborn stem cells in the industry at over 985,000 newborn stem cell samples and counting.

Ultimately, I just want peace of mind knowing that I have done what I can to protect my child/children. With the devastation this pandemic has brought and just seeing my friends suffer with pediatric illnesses, it is heartbreaking, and the need to do more is weighing heavy on me. Once you are pregnant and hit 35 years of age, like myself, I am constantly reminded that I am of advanced maternal age and how it puts my child at greater risk for issues. While I feel that I am a ripe young chick (sometimes haha), I can’t help but have this tid-bit of information in the back of my mind. The collection is painless for baby, the newborn stem cells are obtained in an easy and non-invasive way, and the best part, they will be a perfect match for my child. They also have potential to protect my other 2 children and even my husband and myself. I was intrigued by the fact that these preserved stem cells from cord blood can potentially treat up to 80+ illnesses and  there have been over 500 clinical trials initiated using newborn stem cells for regenerative medicine purposes,  including for things like COVID-19, cerebral palsy, and autism. As technology advances and as these trials continue to progress, the list will continue to grow, and having this as an “insurance plan” gives me that peace of mind. I do hope and pray that we will never have to use them.

I was worried that the process for enrollment and collection would be too much of a burden, especially with the stress that comes with birthing a baby into the world. They actually make the process much easier than I expected. My biggest role was just connecting with a CBR specialist, completing consents, remembering to bring the kit to delivery, and calling a courier to pick up my kit (this task will be delegated to my husband). My kit is at the top of my list to include in my hospital bag. All of which are simple steps that can make a lifetime of a difference.

If the cost is an issue, I do want to encourage you to take a look at their flexible payment options, as well as sign up to their email list as they do send out special promotions. In fact, you can also my promo code TREK for some awesome savings today, just by visiting their enroll page! You can connect with an educator to learn more about why this is a great idea for your baby and your family. With this being my last baby, I feel now is the time for me to take the step forward and have no regrets in wondering “what if”. I hope this is something that you will educate yourself on more and consider with your upcoming child. The only time you can take advantage of this opportunity is during the delivery, so if you are fortunate to have this as an option still, consider it.

Thank you for stopping by! XoXo

Have you considered newborn stem cell preservation with CBR?

Unexpectedly Expecting! - The First Trimester Though!

It’s been a while guys! I feel like I always start out a blog post this way as of late, but I am determined to do better. Aiming for second half of 2022 haha. I have been SO tired and SO busy and just having a hard time to making time for this…I still love you guys and my blog. BUT I wanted to share my crazy first trimester in hopes that it will help someone and also share about why this pregnancy felt so unexpected.

I will be honest, I did have some baby fever, but isn’t that common? We were done. January I went in for my well woman exam, fun times. Well to my dismay, there was an abnormal finding. The doctor stated I had a bulge in my uterus and wanted to do further testing to determine what it was. I had a regular ultrasound that was inconclusive and had to go in for a saline infused sonogram, not fun. Based on the location of concern, my doctor basically told me I would be infertile and could not get pregnant without removal. It was also advised to be removed sooner than later if I was experiencing other symptoms. Fortunately, I did not have any extra painful symptoms, just this suspicious “bulge”. Per the second testing, it was also inconclusive but it did state there was a 50% chance it was polyps. Unfortunately during all of this, my wonderful OBGYN ended up quitting and so I had to go to another. The new one agreed that based on location, it would make me infertile and recommended we proceed to surgery to determine exactly what it was & she would sweep my uterus, basically a D&C.

I decided to hold off on surgery until summer as I had so many other things going on, professionally and trips planned, etc. Plus my son was potentially needing surgery as well (another story). Welp, by the time I met with this doctor, it was March. By the literal next month, I miraculously got pregnant, confirmed this in May. To say I was shocked, still am, is an understatement. I am struggling with 2 kids and still not sure how we will manage 3, but God has other plans. Now you may be wondering, what happened to the bulge? It’s still there and my new OB (a 3rd one in 1 year) is unsure if it will cause complications down the road. We will just monitor it and I am definitely praying all will be well.

Let’s talk the first trimester. I feel like this is the HARDEST time. There is this rule that no one can know, yet most people are SUFFERING tremendously in silence, continuing business as usual. I really think we need to stop doing this. Out of all 3 of my pregnancies, this was by far the most challenging one. I had nausea and symptoms with all of them, but this one hit different. The nausea was SOOO intense and I wish I could have just puked, but instead it was like a constant dry heave. I had major taste aversions, and could not stomach ANYTHING - no bread, no water, no dairy, no fruits or vegetables, NOTHING. Literally I was barely getting crackers and water down. I did find vinegar-y things helped like pickles. I lost 15 lbs due to this. These symptoms lasted for 17 weeks!

This is how I really spent the first 17 weeks, don’t let my social media fool you.

On top of this, I just felt ILL. Like I had the flu, or not to be dramatic but like I was dying. It’s really hard to verbalize this feeling, but it was miserable. My head ached constantly. My feet got super dry like sandpaper. Sorry to keep complaining, but I am trying to paint the picture for you guys and not sharing for pity, but hoping to let someone know they aren’t alone. I was peeing every 2 seconds despite the fact that I was barely drinking water. Juice, ginger, tea, coffee, none of those were tolerable. My boobs were so tender and they grew 6 SIZES, I had heartburn out the wazoo (that still is here), reflux, bowel issues (Ill spare you the details), major mood swings, smell sensitivity, BP issues, did I mention extremely nauseous? I also had this over-spit production and I couldn’t bare to swallow it as my own spit made me nauseous, so I had to carry a spit rag or spit mug to spit into. There are a few other symptoms that I will not share, but I felt like I was a walking health line symptom checker list. Only I could not walk cause I was too drained and sick to do so.

Now imagine having all that going on and having to show up for work and for life every day and pretending like I am okay. During this time, I got moved into a lead role, which requires more work (nope not more pay…another story for another day too). The first trimester is REALLY hard and the suffering in silence is part is really what gets me. I kept waiting day after day after day to feel better and at many points I thought this was going to be me the entire time. And sadly there are women who suffer like this or even worse the entire time. My heart goes out to them. But there are also those people who do not have many or any symptoms, so if you are reading this, please dont let my experience scare you. I do think that there has to be a way to take care of mothers better during the first trimester. I do not have feasible solutions, but something has got to give. Heck there needs to be a way to take care of expecting/mothers in general, am I right?

Blake came in often to check on Mommy & keep me company!

I am happy to report that I am now 28 weeks and after I passed 17 weeks, I started to feel MUCH better. After passing that point, this has been one of the better pregnancies. The food aversions have not completely disappeared but there are quite a few less aversions and my taste buds are for the most part back to normal. My energy is back up, the nausea is gone, the headaches are less frequent, I am swallowing my spit like a normal person, and just overall doing better. I had a ton of round ligament pain with the other pregnancies and much less this time around. If you are going through it, know you are not alone, and also know it will get better. MOST people are better after the first trimester or right around the sweet 16 weeks mark. If it does continue past, believe me, it will one day only be memory and these type of things tend to fade. Even as I was writing this, I can recall the hell I felt, but cannot vividly describe it as best as I could 10 or so weeks ago. Your baby will be worth it. If you have a safe person to share the news with, do it, you need support. Lean on your support system and definitely talk to your doctor. I felt very alone as we have little to no support here. Most of my family lives in different parts of the country. I am so grateful to my husband for holding it down with the boys. There were a couple friends who knew early on that let me just complain. Anyway, back to the doctor, so many symptoms are a “wait and get better” but if it starts to cause you and baby harm, then a bigger conversation needs to be had with your doctor. I report every little thing to the doctor, just to be safe.

I also want to recognize the miracle here. I know that many women struggle with fertility issues. I am not in any way trying to diminish this. I am thankful that God gave me a chance to carry another child despite being told otherwise. I can only imagine the pain that some women endure with being told they cannot have kids. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I pray that God will bestow a miracle unto you in some way, shape or form.

As always, thanks for stopping by, XoXo. Curious to hear, to the mamas, how was your first trimester?

What does Mom on Mission Look Like?

I have always had a heart for mission, for serving the under-served. As of lately, I have found myself struggling to just keep up with my daily demands and trying to figure out what does service look like for a mom to small kids (& throw in the pandemic). I recently read/completed a devotion that is titled 30 Days of Heartwork (thanks Kirbi, who may never see this, for including me in this devotion group). When I tell you it tugged on my heartstrings, I truly mean it did!

Some stats I learned-

1. 780 million people lack clean water… yes clean water.

2. There are estimated 153 million orphans worldwide.

3. 1.14 billion people live on less than $1.25 per day

4. Approx. 1.8 million children die a year as a result of diseases from unclean sanitation.

5. 6 million children die from malnutrition each year

6. 21 million people worldwide are victims of forced labor

   **stats from www.compassion.com, www.worldorphans.org, water.org, ilo.org

Just take a moment to think about that. I am not sure about you, but for me, these stats literally break my heart. I sit here in my comfortable life, with my first world problems (& some heavy ones sprinkled in), while people are just trying to literally get the basic things they need. I love how the devotion said:

“Compassion not only sees the need, compassion touches the need.”

Look at how Jesus lived His life in the Bible - He touched and healed the man with leprosy , it was culturally a no-no to even be near a man with that condition; remember the story of the bleeding woman, she touched his cloak and He gave her opportunity to share the miracle; He promises the poor will inherit greater (Luke 6:21-22); read His parables for instance the Rich Man (Luke 18:18-30); the list could go on. Over and over the Bible reminds us to defend and honor those that cannot fight or speak for themselves, those people who seem to be nothing in this world.

The issues we face today of poverty and injustice are very deep rooted, complex issues, and it’s going to take lots of truth revealed, accepted & educating; uncomfortable conversations, a willingness to change our ways, and living a life of compassion vs self-serving. (& reparations!!!)

How much more impactful would we be to bring people to Christ if we actually showed Christ through our actions versus our just words? That would speak SO MUCH louder. We are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

But as I stated above, as a mom to young small kids, I just always wonder where do I fit in? Kids require so much, physically and emotionally. I also deal with issues within my self, not being confident in who God has called me to be. I have not read or heard many messages taught on what this looks like, serving as a mother. I do see the “anomaly” people, who are on mission living in a third world country with a whole family while fulfilling God’s calling. As of now, God has not lead me to do this, but to those who have heard the call and taken it, I admire you!

While I would love to be out in another country, serving, at this time I think I am called to serve right where I am. I do not have all the answers for this and would love to keep learning and growing in this area. But my guess is that we are to serve where we are called and sometimes it’s just within our very reach of things. We can serve through multiple ways, through our jobs as we love and serve those we work with and those we service (customers, patients, stakeholders, etc), through our church, through our family as we love and serve our children, grandchildren, nieces & nephews, and through our community around us. Let me just tell you, the “through our family” part really hits big for me and there seems to be a disconnect in this area sometimes. Sometimes just being there for our kids or our family members, like REALLY BE THERE, is service. To those with a large support system, a family who is willing to be there always, you are truly blessed. I am reminded that I serve my sisters when they just need a break from their kids who have been driving them crazy, physically going to scoop them or meeting them, and giving them a few hours to just breathe. It does not always have to be the big things, it’s most of the time the small things too and sometimes for those people right next to us!

New Dehli India

There are several local missions that we can take part in to serve, either within the church or an independent non-profit. I am going to work on gathering a list and if you are local, perhaps we can serve together. Another way to be on mission, is that we can also serve and love through the way we vote and policies that we support.

And do not forget, that as a mother, a parent, we do things for others (our kids, spouse) all day long. I needed to remind myself of this as well, as I often feel that in order to make an impact that it has to be done outside the home, but I am making an impact in my family’s life (at least I hope haha). As the boys get older, we will all get to serve together! Going on a mission trip and doing local missions really has changed my perspective on life! If you have not done outreach, I highly recommend it.

Psalm 140 says that God secures justice for the poor and upholds their cause but Psalm 82 calls us in to do the work. He secures that justice through us. We are to defend the weak and the fatherless. We are to uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. We are to rescue the weak and the needy; to deliver them from the hand of the wicked. - From Heart Work Devotion

The Bible commands it. So let’s get uncomfortable, and even inconvenience ourselves to take steps to really being like Christ and fulfilling His commandments.

If anyone gives you even a cup of water because you belong to the Messiah, I tell you the truth, that person will surely be rewarded. Mark 9:41 NLT

Pencil Drawing I did of some of the children in Honduras that my mom & sister met while on mission

As I am writing this, I am feeling much better, this has been therapeutic (totally speaking to myself with this post but sharing in case anyone else feels the same way). I have been felt so heavy hearted about not being able to do more, but my time will come to expand my reach and in meantime, I will take steps to serve as I am called.

Thank you so much for stopping by and reading!!! I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!!

Don’t Forget to Date Your Spouse

Just a friendly reminder - Don’t forget to date your spouse. Seems like something that would be impossible to forget, but life has a way of making this very much possible. Perhaps you or your partner or the both of you have very hectic work schedules or maybe you just had a kid or you have a mini basketball team; whatever the case, it makes it a challenge to find time for each other as these other responsibilities can require SO much. Making time for your spouse begins to seem more like a luxury or afterthought vs. a necessity. It’s also easy to forget that if you are married, the way God designed the marriage is for your spouse to come right after Him. As parents, often times, it feels like our kids takes so much of our us that we forget this expectation. It’s crazy how someone (our kids) that we can jointly love with every fiber of our body, can be the very thing that causes our love to drift some, right? And sometimes, our kids can be the glue that holds us together, but why give them that burden? Let’s make it work because God is a the center and we prioritize our love for Him and each other.

Photo here just cause ha

One night my husband and I were out on a date at one of our fav spots, Braman Winery. Man I miss that spot. Something that I love to do is to people watch and make up stories about what I think is going on. We were intrigued by a couple who seemed enamored with each other. I said there is no way they are married and that into it. Let me explain myself really quick, I did not have many pictures of what a loving marriage should look like. This was a new concept for me, with the exception of my cousin and her husband who got married in my young adulthood. They are 20 years strong and have a beautiful relationship. For my husband, this is a different story as his parents are 40 years married and it’s a REAL thriving marriage. Also big shout out to our old pastors, who not only set an excellent example of what love is, but spent weeks and weeks with us for pre-marital counseling ensuring that we had a solid foundation built upon Biblical principals laid out before us. Okay, okay… back to the story. She was nestled under his neck, he would rest his hand on her leg, and he was looking at her with these starry eyes, you know the way one looks at a girl when it’s that new infatuated type love. Naturally (smh), I thought she was his mistress, there was no way they were married and still look at each other like that. Somehow we ended up striking up a conversation with this couple, and…to my shock… they were married, for over 20 years, lived in multiple different countries together with kids, and are just really THAT happy and THAT in love with each other.

Of course, I made my way to ask them for advice. We are 8 years in and I want THAT. I want to genuinely say that I love you more than I did the day we first wed. You know back then love was easy, it came natural, but as life takes force, love has become an action, a commitment. Honestly, the mature love is the one that carries weight, the one that is deep and wide. Her advice: Date your spouse. They literally went on a date one night a week for the entirety of their marriage, making it a priority. I know what you are thinking, but no one will watch my kids like that, that’s the boat we are in as well. They managed to make it happen even living in new countries, barely able to speak the language (they are panamanian and venezuelan…if you guys are reading this, love you guys!), but they still made it happen. This has been consistent advice we have received from couples who are happily married! That and don’t forget to have sex…another convo for another day.

After my first son, we had some minor health issues with him and were severely sleep deprived, we just did not make time for us. We got to the point where we did not know what to talk about anymore. Prior to all of this, when we were dating or engaged, we could literally talk for hours and hours and hours until one of us fell asleep on the phone. I remember going on a date on one anniversary and I had to find conversation pointers to help us facilitate a discussion. While I am happy to say, we have come a long way since then, we are still working on ensuring we are always growing the same direction and prioritizing us.

Cue the pandemic…ugh.

Date night seems impossible. There aren’t many places we felt comfortable going, nor do we feel okay allowing a stranger in our home. I vaguely recalled a friend getting a datebox and sharing thier experience on social media. This intrigued me. I decided to look into the Datebox and that’s where I found myself on the Happily Co website. And now, I am happy to report that I am an affiliate (meaning I get a small commission & do a happy dance every-time someone uses my code or link).

So what’s a datebox? They ship a box that has a well curated date night that you can enjoy in the comfort of your own home. They have literally thought of everything to set the ambience. They provide a conversation starter, a music playlist, and usually an activity plus a game or 2. Once you sign up, you will complete a short questionnaire so they learn more about the story of your relationship, it helps them come up with what datebox would be best for your relationship. You can select how many months you want, the more months, the more affordable the box.

We put our kids in bed, and usually set up on the patio, bring out our baby monitors, and have our date night in. It is a great way to connect/re-connect without the cost of a sitter or an expensive night out, and you are in the comfort of your own home. One of our conversation starters had us reminiscing on some of our fondest memories over our 10 years together and it just really is a good way to reminder of why we chose each other and continue to choose each other. These date nights are for relationships, no matter where you are - they are for married, just dating, engaged, married without kids, married with 10 kids, single and hopeful, whatever your situation.

They also have other items, like resources for achieving or maintaining a happy marriage in the form of classes, indoor camping out kits, and super cute cards.

If you are interested in checking this out, please use my link as mentioned above, I get a small commission. I have included it here and throughout the post. It is 50% off your first box or 20% your purchase of other items using my link. You can also just add code: ONTREKMOM.

As always thanks for stopping by, and I hope if you try a DateBox out, that it will bring you both as much joy as it has brought us. We love to keep things fun and adventurous over here.

XoXo

Black Lives Matter - Sharing from My Heart

It’s at the very essence of every human being that we want to matter, we want to love and to be loved, we want to feel accepted and we want to feel we are enough. This is the basics of all humans and if you do not desire any of those things, what are you? The Black Lives Matter movement has moved from just a moment that happens after every killing of an unarmed black man to a movement at the forefront of the entire world, all while in the midst of a pandemic. This fire started to rage in the hearts of many black people long ago, but as of the recent deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery, this fire has seeped into the walls of our hearts exploding into the world around us and it is BURNING to the ground. This has sparked conversation and action between races like never before seen in history. It has peeled back the bandages exposing wounds that so many black and brown people have tried to keep covered (at least black people like me have tried to keep them covered). By peel, I actually mean it has been ripped off taking nearly every fiber with it. These conversations we are having has made many of us feel like we are re-living the same traumas over and over. It hurts, it is heavy, and a tiring thing to carry. To make matters worse, there are still those in opposition who want to divert the reality towards another spurious reality.

I have so much inside of me and I am trying to process it all even still. The first thing I want to address, is my silence in the past. I have seen the news, I have screamed about what’s going on with a safe person, like a family or friend, signed a few petitions, but my presence on social media was very minimal about things like this that mattered. Now the issue here is not my decision to not post but it is the reason why I chose not to. I made myself believe that It was solely because I wanted to keep my page “light”, but also if I am honest, I did not want to come off as angry, I did not want to make my non-black friends feel uncomfortable, and sometimes I just did not know what to say. Even now, there are so many opinions and guidance that it can feel like an overload. From what I am seeing, people’s stance on issues is somewhat of a spectrum, there are the ones who want peaceful protests that are trying to focus on the positive and then others that say burn it all down and focusing on what still needs to be done, and I think we are all just trying to find how best to move forward (then you have those that are in opposition but forget them). I think both of these perspectives are needed, because the people who focus on the positive give us hope and those who see what still needs to be done, are what keep us going. I say all this to say that through this, it is better to say something for what matters than nothing at all. I truly apologize for not outwardly expressing my emotions on the reality that we live in today sooner. That will not happen again, mark my words.

It’s interesting, I have a ton of forgotten memories, but I have never forgotten my brushes with racism. I have experienced the most blatant form of being call the N-word (at my old high school in Austin, TX), to being stopped and the police searching my car as I was on my way to see my boyfriend in Austin for no justifiable reason, to being with a group of black people and not getting in a particular club due to the color of our skin, to working at the River Oaks Country club and some of the elderly wealthy people not wanting to look me in my eyes because I am black. LITERALLY the list could go on and on. Let’s not forget the more subtle ways: “You are so pretty, there is no way you are all black, what are you mixed with?” or “Wow, you talk so proper.” Or feeling/sensing the uneasiness of my non-black friend when they were surrounded by only black people (which rarely happens) or even just being their ONLY black friend (diversify your friend circles, geez). And I will say, I got it from both sides…I was often called an “oreo” (definition: a black person who is black on the outside, but white on the inside). But that’s a conversation for another day. Being black, I feel the pressure to come extra hard in everything I do and to constantly fight the stereotypes that have been imposed upon me as a black women. It’s in the obvious ways, but also the more subtle ways like ensuring our yard is on point in our predominately non-black neighborhood; smiling extra hard, so I do not look too angry; we ensure our kids names aren’t “too black” so they can get jobs, get into colleges, ” (although I do love my kids names), etc. Isn’t that sad?

So I say all this to share my experience, but also to say that we have work to do! Everyone joked that we would see 20/20 in 2020 and I think that is where we are right now. It is very clear that our country is deep-rooted in racism and it is clear that police-ing has to desperately change. Stats show that cops kill other races too, but black people are the only race who are killed just because they are BLACK. As black parents, we are having to have conversations with our kids way early, and my non-black friends are realizing that they are having to teach anti-racism to their kids (Let me just say, I am sure it is uncomfortable, but teaching it is way better than having to experience it). Years before the goal was colorblindness – “we don’t see color” – but that is absurd. My 5 year old may not be able to fully understand the concept of racism, heck it barely makes sense to me, but he does know that he is different than his best friend. And you know what, that’s okay, God made him with that beautiful brown skin and made us in different colors. We are all made in the image of God.

I just want to remind you of the parable of the persistent widow that Jesus shared to his disciples in Luke 18.

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2 He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. 3 And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

4 “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, 5 yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

6 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7 And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8 I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

Even though the judge’s decision was not based on justice, she still got the justice she fought for, why? Because she never gave up! I am encouraging you that we keep going. We keep posting, we keep talking about it, we keep signing petitions, we keep volunteering, we get out and vote, we keep educating, we lift up the black community up, and most importantly, we NEVER STOP PRAYING.  Reversing racism seems like a huge task, but I will tell you only God can change the hearts of men. He hears our prays, so we keep praying.  And you know what, if their hearts aren’t changed like the unjust judge, we will get justice through our persistence. Standing on God’s word, in verse Luke 18:7, he said: “And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?” God does not lie.

You know some wounds require the band aid off to heal, requiring the air to keep it dry. These wounds if left covered, will get too moist under the band-aid causing the wound to get infected. This is a hard place to be in, but it is a needed place to be in for healing. Take solace in knowing that you are not alone. For my non-black friends reading this, please continue to be our allies.

BLACK LIVES MATTER!!!

Painting by me

Thank you for reading! XOXO

A Mother's Reflection - Unconventional Motherhood by Kristy

Motherhood started a bit different than the average way for me, it started at 16, yes 16! When I found out I was pregnant I was filled with anxiety, sadness, fear, Panic lol! Here I was a junior in high school, hanging with my friends, being a good student, working a part time job at Chic-fil-A – I really thought I had it going on. The first person I told the news to was my sisters, they bought the pregnancy test and as the 2 red lines appeared I think we all almost passed out. The thing is I was the baby of the family, the kid who seemed the most innocent, no one even knew I was having sex! So now it was time to tell my parents, I remember that moment so clearly. I was terrified! My mom was never one to talk much about sex, all she ever said was “if you get pregnant you’re keeping the baby” so that was cemented in my brain. I asked my parents to come to my room to deliver the news, through sobs and tears I told them “I’m pregnant” omg what a relief to get that news out but now this is REAL. My parents were of course disappointed but I knew they had my back then and still do to this day. I am thankful for that! I distinctly remember my dad consoling me and saying don’t worry we got your back.

My pregnancy wasn’t the conventional pregnancy with a husband to go pick up my favorite cravings or to rub my aching feet after a long day. It was rough, I was emotional and full of anxiety the entire time. My due date was January 22, 2002 but my baby boy decided he wanted to wait a little longer to make his grand entrance. Kaleb arrived on January 25, 2002, I don’t remember much about the labor process (maybe I’ve blocked it out haha) but I was so happy and filled with joy to see my beautiful baby’s face.

Raising a son and still being a baby myself was not an easy journey. There were moments I didn’t think I would be able to do it. The pressure of balancing being a mom, teen, still having friends and a social life was a lot to handle but somehow I did. I remember many nights of crying out to God for strength to get through, and HE was always there. For many years I felt like I was on a constant pursuit of perfection, trying my best to not be the statistic, the typical “Teen Mom”, you know there’s a whole MTV show about them lol. Well I was determined to not be that! Kaleb and I grew up together in a sense, the older he got the more confident I became, the stronger I became. I pushed through and defied the odds that were against me.

As I write this today, in just a few weeks my little teen mom baby prepares to graduate from high school (minus Corona attempting to ruin that). We did it!! The first stage of parenting is wrapping up and the thing I never imagined I had the strength to do, I did. I raised a whole kid! I can never say I did that alone, I had the good Lord by my side, an amazing village that filled the gaps and had my back even when I didn’t think I could make it. So now I begin to usher in a new chapter of life, being a parent to a college student and having an empty nest, pray for me! 

Written with love by my dear friend, Kristy Felton!

Can we all take a moment to Congratulate Kaleb (and Kristy) on the Class of 2020 high school graduation! So proud of Kaleb and Kristy, you made it through one of the hardest chapters of motherhood with a very unconventional start. You did such a great job raising him and Kaleb is a really great young man.

Thank you all for reading! XoXo

A Mother's Reflection - Written by my MOM

My beautiful mom has taken over my blog to share from her heart! You ready?! Well here we go…..

Twenty, twenty started with a bang…a major global health crisis that has now developed into economic challenges. We have done our best to adjust to this new “normal” and hold on to what we value most – our families. Birthdays and holidays are observed but look different than our typical celebrations. Still, we celebrate because we refuse to allow this pandemic to rob us of all that is good and meaningful individually and as a family.

“Do not fear [anything], for I am with you; Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you; I will certainly take hold of you with My righteous right hand [a hand of justice, of power, of victory, of salvation].” Isaiah 41:10, AMP

As we approach Mother’s Day, we are discovering creative ways to celebrate the Mothers in our lives and pausing to thank God for allowing us to experience all that it means to be a Mother (whether through natural birth or adoption). For me, becoming a Mom was something I longed for immediately after marriage. I had no idea it would take a year and a half of prayer, fasting, and doing everything I knew to do in the natural while leaving the supernatural up to Almighty God. A couple serving in ministry laid hands on my tummy and commanded my womb to be opened and conceive. Eight months later, God did open my womb, and I conceived my first miracle daughter, Elizabeth. When Elizabeth was born, I can remember getting up in the middle of the night just to make sure she was still breathing and positioned perfectly in her crib. I read every book on parenting but quickly learned nothing fully prepares you for motherhood except to live the experience. My Mom was a godsend and a tremendous help in caring for Elizabeth. We would butt heads at times, but I always knew the advice and concern came from a place of love.

“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace [who imparts His blessing and favor], who called you to His own eternal glory in Christ, will Himself complete, confirm, strengthen, and establish you [making you what you ought to be].  To Him be dominion (power, authority, sovereignty) forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5:10-11, AMP

Four years later, I would welcome my second miracle daughter, Ashley, followed by twins, Megan, and Mandy, eighteen months after her birth. I was not prepared for a toddler still in pampers and on the bottle, plus two newborns. My now five-year-old daughter was a big help but, I wondered if she was overwhelmed at times too. My husband willingly covered a portion of the night shift as a proud father. Mom would visit often allowing my second daughter (her namesake) to spend a week or two with her in Houston. This allowed Ashley an opportunity to enjoy some much needed one-on-one time and reduced the parental load. Don’t get me wrong, I loved each of my girls, and I was genuinely grateful to God for blessing me with each one; however, at this point, I just wanted to survive and live long enough to write about it (Ha!). The saying, “God will not put more on you than you can bear,” is not scriptural and certainly not true. The Bible does say, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). My journey of discovering how great God’s grace was had only just begun.

God, in His faithfulness, blessed me with caring neighbors, best friends who would become sisters to me as we raised our children together. Being organized (or having a touch of OCD as my girls believe), planning out my week, and desiring to be a good steward over these precious little lives kept me pushing through tiresome days and long evenings. I discovered by waking up before everyone else, spending time in God’s Word, and cultivating a prayer life helped to prepare me for a full day that did not end until I passed out each night from exhaustion (I believe many mothers can relate). Part of my prayer time consisted of anointing my girls with oil and praying over each one while they were still asleep. I knew some things were not in my control, but some were as I partnered with God to train them to love Him and become caring citizens that contributed to society. All of this proved to be an example of what it means to steward my children. They are only on loan to us for a season but belong to God for a lifetime.

My mom, me and sisters, memom, and uncle

Let me pause right here and just say, I missed the mark many times, and there were seasons when I wanted to do it all – work, serve in ministry, be the adoring wife, and perfect mother. Ha! The Lord quickly allowed me to see my limitations and I gladly had a “superwoman” cape burning ceremony in His presence. You know, one of those good old-fashioned pity parties with snot slinging, tears streaming, as you wipe the slobber from your mouth? Yes, one of those! I did not get up off my knees until I knew I had heard from God. He quieted my soul and reassured me that ministering to the needs of my husband and my children, was ministry. A burdened lifted and I felt free to just be me – glorious imperfections and all – and I knew I was loved and accepted by the Father. I also knew, where I fell short, God’s grace was enough and filled in all the missing pieces of my attempt to be a good Mom.

Silently, I packed up my dreams and goals and placed each one neatly in the Father’s arms for safe-keeping and began to focus on raising my daughters and managing my household well. I admire mothers who manage their household and hold down a full-time job or own a business. I just knew that was not my calling at the time. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, I would have an opportunity to experience various seasons of success in my life over time and would pick up those dreams and desires as God provided. Every mother is created uniquely by God’s design and must learn who they are in Christ Jesus and the path He has chosen for them to live. When we embrace our identity (strengths and limitations), we are free to blossom into the beautiful and wonderful woman God created. He knows the end from the beginning of a person’s life but also all the in-betweens. Knowing this truth, helps me to trust Him during challenging, and less than desirable situations as they arise. (Isaiah 46:10).

My life felt like a roller-coaster ride during the earlier years, and I have many battle scars to prove it. I have not embraced the hand I have been dealt always, and felt like giving up when hopelessness and depression consumed me day in and day out. When my little ole world came crumbling down - a marriage of 22 years ended, my health failed and kept getting worst with each surgery and new treatment; and no source of income, I began looking for the nearest exit, relief, help, hope, anything to remove the pain and utter brokenness I felt. One year turned into two years, then five years, then seven years as I grabbed hold of the only thing I knew that could save me – my faith and belief in the Living God and His Son, Jesus Christ. To be perfectly honest, I contemplated driving off the nearest bridge, but panic/anxiety attacks kept me from driving over them (God was with me even in the midst of my pain!). Do you want to know what kept me waking up each morning and seeking the help I desperately needed? My four girls! They taught me what unconditional love looked like (both to give and receive), and no matter how bad the situation was (days without electricity, water, and sometimes gas), they still chose me and loved me. Isn’t that just like God to use your loved ones to remind you if there is breath in your lungs, there is hope for a brighter day?! When the girls had a choice to live with me or their Dad, they told the counselor, we want to stay with Mom. No matter how bad things get, Mom has a way of making it seem alright (candles came in handy and so does a “girlzroom” circle conversation). When I did not want to live for myself, I chose to live for my girls. Plus, I needed to keep my commitment to God to make sure they fulfilled their calling and stayed on track. [Trust me, they ran down a few rabbit trails and tested the waters, but praise the Lord, He kept them and always made sure they found the path back to His loving arms. Just like each of us in our spiritual journey in seeking and following Christ.]

My journey toward healing and wholeness took a while, but I would not trade it for anything in the world. God taught me how to forgive and love those who hurt and betrayed me. He taught me how to see others through His eyes, to pray for them with a sincere heart, and to bless them instead of taking matters into my own hands. He taught me to forgive myself, and to embrace that same mercy and grace I taught my girls to extend to others when they were hurt or felt betrayed. God showed me when I thought I had lost it all, when I have Jesus, I have all I need. He taught me how to love myself when I was at my worst through His great love for me. By embracing His love for me, I learned to love others and love them well. Jesus walked with me every step of the way as He gave me a new heart, healed my body, and restored my soul. He gave me a peace and joy I had never known before and still have to this day, come what may. My heart is filled with gratitude when I look back over my journey because I know everything I went through made me a better woman, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and, most of all, child of the Most High. Every trial, tribulation, test, and challenge, changed me as God pruned, pressed, molded and shaped me into the image of Jesus Christ (the journey never ends). Jesus said, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Remember, the Father doesn’t waste any pain or hardships we experience in life as a woman, wife, and mother but works it together for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). Because of my story of redemption, healing, and hope, I can encourage others and introduce them to this same promise. It is because of my experiences as a Mom that I am able to inspire other moms assuring them that God is in control; and encourage them to love their children through “the process” of discovering who they are in Christ Jesus and how He has called them to serve Him and serve others. God is faithful, trustworthy, and His Word is true. I believe He gave mothers a little something special because He knows they will have to be strong when it’s time to release them into His hands, and tender to keep loving them and praying for them no matter what. I smile when I think about Jesus leaving the care of His Mother to the disciple who always referred to himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved” (John) while He hung on the cross for my sins and yours (John 19:25-27). This was such a beautiful act of love and kindness toward his earthly Mother and a powerful reminder of how much God loves mothers. Wow!

Graduated in May 2019 and currently working on her Masters degree!

My reflection would not be complete if I did not honor my Mom, who went home to be with Jesus in 2009. A day does not go by that I do not think about her and thank God for giving me the Mom He knew I needed. My Mom and I both gave our lives to Christ around the same time, and we grew up in the Lord together. She was my best friend, road buddy, prayer partner, and strong supporter (although she was a little bitty petite woman, she did not play when it came to the things of God and her family). I thought she was too tough on me at times, but I know it was because she loved me and knew there was more within me God was developing. Mind you, her granddaughters got away with more than I ever could and were “spoiled” by her (presumably, a privilege earned by grandmothers).  I appreciate the time I had with Mom, learned from the lessons, and treasure the memories and all the ways she showed me how much she loved me. Priceless!

I could go on and on sharing my stories in greater detail and the testimonies the Lord has given me along the way, but I will save it for another day. My girls are all grown now with families of their own (three with two kids each, one with a fur-baby for now). It is my daily prayer, they become the best moms’ they can be and rely on God’s grace to parent their little ones and parent them well. I pray they show themselves a little mercy and grace when they fall short (and they will, we all do) but learn to ask for forgiveness and keep growing. In doing so, they teach their children what it means to be fully human and never to give up. Their journey is not mine, and their children have their own personalities geared toward the natural bent God has placed within them. Parenthood may look a bit different for them than it did for me, but one thing will never change…the need to love unconditionally, teach their children to love God and obey His Word, and to pray like never before over each of them. I see the prayers I prayed long ago become a reality in each of their lives, and I am godly proud of the women, (some are wives), daughters, and mothers they have become. They are accomplished young women with compassionate hearts, strong constitutions (we all get that from my Mom – praise God), adventurous spirits, and a desire to grow in their relationship with Christ. We have overcome much as a family, experienced significant loss, suffered tragedies, but within our story, the love of God is woven carefully between each line and on every page. We have learned that there is strength in unity, and with God, nothing shall be impossible (Mark 10:27). And when they face their motherhood challenges and ask me, “How did you do it with four of us?” my reply will always be, “Only by the grace of God!”

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing mothers in whatever season you may be living. I pray the Lord blesses you and showers you with His love!

Amazed by His grace!

Written with love, by mom, Yvonne S. Whittington

My 16 year old mom! One of our favorite pics of her.

As always, thank you for reading! XoXo

Tips on How to Productively Work From Home

If you are finding yourself having to work from home, due to COVID-19 or due to any other circumstance, these tips are for you. I have been working from home for over 7 years and although its more amazing than not, it has its own set of challenges. Sometimes I struggle with productivity, other times the feeling of isolation; and other times finding my priorities being shifted to my ever-growing list of personal things that need to get done and not so much on work. The struggle is still there but I have also gotten better! I am sharing some tips of what I’ve learned along the way.

1. Have a designated work space. Ideally this place is not your bed, it’s best to separate the two. This is a place you dont mind being in for several few hours, its comfortable, but not to comfortable, and it’s relatively quiet.  

2. Work in a well lit area as natural light really helps. I am drawn to sunlight and I feel most people are. I’m like a plant, it gives me energy. Seriously though, according to research, this is a must. Do not believe me, see below -

   “The research by Northwestern University and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign found that office workers exposed to natural light slept better, were happier, reported better health and were more likely to be active throughout the day than their counterparts in windowless offices.

   The findings indicate that positioning workers near windows is an “overlooked opportunity to improve health and fitness,” said Phyllis Zee, senior author of the report, a neurologist, sleep specialist and professor of neurology with Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago.” (Full article )

3. No TV but if the noise helps (like it does for me), put on something that doesn’t require much attention. As we all have learned, the human brain can’t technically multi-task, but depending on the intensity of the activity, a little TV or music may not hurt any. I call my TV my “coworker” smile.

4. Set daily goals and keep a to-do list to stay on target. This one is pretty self explanatory but it does help to have daily targets and ways to get there. Make it realistic too, add in some personal stuff, (i.e. I need to finish two loads of laundry plus attend 5 meetings, finish 2 reports, etc etc).

5. Move around and take breaks (but not too many). It is isolating and it can drain your energy, esp if you are an extrovert. Enjoy some of the flexibility of being in the comfort of your own home, stretch, walk around, take care of a quick personal goal, hydrate, something.

6. With kids around, have plenty of activities, snacks, and a plan. If you have a meeting, exercise positive re-enforcement and trade them something they really want for their oath to be absolutely quiet (sounds like a bribe, right?) or give them some screen-time (APA says kids can have up to 2 hours a day). I will preface this by saying that my kids are rarely home with me while working, so my advice here is limited.

7. With kids around, and if you have significant other in the same boat, take turns...teamwork makes the dream-work

8. Having a change of scenery for lunch is always a good idea. If you can’t leave the house, maybe go eat on the patio/porch or a new area in your house.

9. Get dressed for the day (totally for newbies). It may help you feel more prepared for the day. For me personally, on a good day, I get out of my PJs only to put on gym clothes.

10. Grab some caffeine or whatever you use to give you a “pick me up”. It’s easy to get tired when you are spending most of the day confined to one spot with little to know human interaction, so definitely grab a cup of coffee or something to help you keep going! The afternoon slump really gets me all the time and I find myself wanting to swim in a cup of black tea or coffee.

    Beware of over snacking and over-working! In some cases you can find yourself indulging on all your pantry goodies and/or not stopping work because it is right there, so why not?

    I am preaching to the choir with this list as stated above, I definitely have my struggles! Some-days I am self motivated and ready to conquer the work day, other days I am fighting against what I actually would prefer to be doing to get work done! Those days don’t always end in victory.

    I hope these help you! If you have comments or any other tips, I’d love to hear them! Drop a comment below.

    As always, thanks for reading XoXo.

It's My 1 Year Blogaversary - Honest Discussion About the Highs and Lows

I have officially hit 1 year blogging and I honestly am patting myself on the back that I am still doing this (haha). I started the blog as a creative outlet for me, a way to express myself, and share the things I loves with anyone who will read it! It also makes for a very great way to document our trips and memories. I want to start by saying a huge THANK YOU for everyone who has been keeping up with my blog, my social media posts, my stories, all who have subscribed,, everything!!! I seriously appreciate it, more than you know! I have a tight knit group of supporters that have been with me from the beginning, and I want to especially thank you guys! My husband started the blog when I started it and he has seriously been a trooper throughout this. Thank you to my mom and sisters for encouraging me to keep going and affirming me throughout this! I love all of you guys!! I see you!

An honest moment here, this has been harder than expected. Something many people may or may not know is that most sites have analytics. You are able to see things like how many people view the post, how many people click the link from the email, who subscribes/unsubscribes, etc. I got more subscribers before I actually wrote a post than this whole year that I have actually been blogging. I put so much into each post, and as I was looking at the analytics way too much. I noticed that I was not getting much traction and interaction. This was discouraging for me. A part of me questioned if this was worth doing, spending time that I barely have to blog. Blogging isn’t my day job, I actually monitor oncology clinical trials (it’s stressful). So this is when the support and encouragement has made a huge impact on my blog trek. Literally every time I have gotten to that point of giving up, I first remind myself why I am doing this, I love blogging, I love sharing what I share and I really hope it makes an impact in one way or another to somebody. Also, the God part, is at my low points while blogging, someone has randomly sent me a message or email sharing how much they appreciated something I have shared, or they were inspired to try one of my ideas or a cool opportunity has come up, seriously it has all been perfect timing. So guys, if you have something nice to say to someone, never hesitate to do it, you can really make their entire day and give them the push they need to keep going. I am happy to report that I have since stopped obsessing over stats, I barely check them now. As I have pushed through, remained consistent(ish), they have improved so much, and I am so thankful for this.

Another unwarranted side effect I have experienced is dealing with comparing myself. This was not my intent, it was to simply seek out other successful blogs as an example when executing mine. Somehow I fell into the comparison trap, it is a black hole with no value. I am teaching myself to admire without acquiring. I do not consider myself a jealous person, but in a sense, I just wanted to be there, be at a point where people care enough to read and engage. I know how ridiculous this sounds because these people have put in way more years than me and probably felt the same way at some point. Not everyone will catch on initially, sometimes you have to do it alone (or what feels like alone). Side Note: Will Smith said best here. It is a hard time to start blogging as it is in a sense an over-saturated market, so many people are doing it, and it is easy to get lost in a sea of so many. I knew this starting out, but again it comes back to why I am doing this. I am doing this as an outlet I so desperately need, and I have to remind myself that I can still bring something unique to the table that no one else can. God made each of us unique!

“It’s at the Heart of everything we struggle with in life: Longing to be valuable, to be accepted, to be prized, to be worth something to somebody, to have a life that matters, and God’s saying ‘YOU MATTER! I didn’t make anyone else like you. You’re not a reprint or a lithograph. You’re a one-of-a-kind, original creation of God.” - Louie Giglio

One year down!!! Many more to go!

Okay enough of the struggles. I have met a great community of bloggers/influencers and this has opened doors in just this short year that I have never thought possible. I have grown this year and have learned to better express myself verbally. I have always struggled to appropriately express the words on my heart, out loud. Sometimes when I am finished with a post, I read it and I surprise myself, in a good way. I have said a few times that my goal in life is to just blend in & stay behind the scenes, but that’s because I have this weird awkwardness and shyness about me and a fear that I will not say what I mean appropriately. This trek (blogging) has pushed me out of my comfort zone so much. I putting myself out. I saw this quote “You cannot grow in your comfort zone”. Instagram really is a source of discomfort, but that is a whole other topic. Anyway, as humans we have this innate desire to grow and growth can be painful and uncomfortable. But the reward is worth it.

My true desire is to live my life with purpose, God’s purpose. I make plans but want to leave room for God’s will to be done in my life (from a great message from Dr. Tony Evans). I look forward to seeing what’s in store for my life, your life (I want to hear about it), and for this blog this year!!! I am praying doors are open in our lives that no man can close. I am praying the favor of God over our lives. I pray whatever your dream is, you take the courage to take the next step towards achieving it and you keep going no matter how uncomfortable it is! Thank you again for reading and sticking with me as I work through this trek of life!!!

'“One of the great benefits of our ‘Era of Opportunity’ is that once we have that vision and that way to make the right decisions on those opportunities, the stage is set for us women to make an eternal difference in this world.'“ -S. Feldhahn

Some of my favorite adventures throughout the last year are on the wall behind me.

If you are reading this and have not subscribed, please consider subscribing! Having a healthy list of subscribers help me take my blog to the next level. I promise not to spam you. Head over to my instagram for details of a small giveaway that I am doing for my subscribers.

XoXo

P.S. If you like my gallery wall, check out the details here. It’s super budget friendly.

Mailbox of Love: You've Got Mail!

I once read this quote that resonated with me.

Marriage love is eternal, but it’s also daily, about as daily and unromantic as housekeeping. It is through daily practices and disciplines, whether we feel like doing them or not, that the decision to love is renewed and refreshed, and the commitment of love is kept alive (Rebecca DeYoung).

Strange to see marriage, love and housekeeping in the same sentence, eh? But if you do not maintain your house daily, chaos ensues, right? This is especially the case if you have little people. I have no clue how my kids can destroy a space in seconds! Just like you have to maintain your car, your house, etc, you have to maintain your marriage. In the beginning, it is much easier to make that a priority. As time passes, you get comfortable, life gets busy, and maybe even kids come into play. I never understood how kids could cause strain on a marriage until we had our first. Between the lack of sleep, the breastfeeding, the postpartum depression/anxiety, the physical pain and changes my body endured, the newness of the journey, parenting differences, the lack of support which led to the lack of date nights, the fear of leaving baby, adjusting to work with my new normal…just to name a few, all started to create a wedge between my husband and I. We did not mean for it to happen and honestly that 4th trimester is a huge blur of exhaustion. We finally went out to dinner one night and had nothing to say to each other. That was a wake up call. We realized the importance of prioritizing us second to God. Our goal is to grow together, not apart.

While walking through the dollar section of Target, I saw these little mailboxes for $1. I love happy mail and my hubby loves words, so this had the making of a perfect way for us to re-connect/connect! Side note, but have you ever taken the 5 Love Languages of Love Quiz? Interesting enough, my husband’s and mine are the complete opposite (haha). He is words of affirmation and physical touch and those were my last two. Mine are quality time and gifts (which is closely tied with acts of service). I have always had this weird issue with expressing myself verbally, it is much easier to write it out and even then I struggle to fully convey my thoughts. I think this blog is definitely challenging me and the mailbox definitely challenges me to express myself more. My husband expresses himself so beautifully and eloquently and the opposite ha. I will have to start posting some of his poems and letters.

Here is how we do the mailboxes. We place them on our nightstands and randomly throughout the day/month/year, we drop a note to each other. We have had apology letters in there, appreciation letters, short letters, love letters, and just plain expressing how we feel (whether related to us or just life) letters. Once the letter is in the mailbox, we put up the flag to let the other one know it is in there. Simple as that. It really does create a deeper level of intimacy as it is a glimpse into our hearts and minds, with no interruptions. This is one red flag that I look forward to seeing! We have been doing this for almost 4 years now.

As mentioned above Target sells these small mailbox tins that we use, but I am sure you can find similar at Walmart, Amazon, Hobby Lobby, or maybe even At Home. Ours are gold and silver, super old now, the color is even fading, but I did confirm there are more at Target and they have new colors.

My challenge to you reading is to join us in this mailbox of love! Perhaps start Feb 1 and do it for 2 weeks leading up to valentines day. You can even do this for your kids, or even just to show yourself some love. You won’t regret it! I have learned more about my husband through this and have even learned more about myself.

If you do this or something similar, I would LOVE to hear if so and even how it goes if you are comfortable sharing.

As always, thanks for reading. XoXo

My At Home Teeth Whitening Experience (That Actually Works)

My oldest, age 5, proudly told me my teeth were yellow. I already knew this and had been whitening my teeth with photo-editing apps ever since I found out about them. While I longed for a more real and permanent solution, I just kept pushing it off. There was also a slight fear that my teeth were too sensitive for whitening. Boy was I wrong! We’ll get more to that later.

As a busy working Mom, it can be difficult to find the time and energy to invest in myself. As of recently I’ve committed to making time, and it has really made me feel better. Fortunately, and very timely, I was approached with the opportunity to try Smile Brilliant. Wow! They have an at home teeth whitening system that makes the whitening process very easy and simple to follow. Let’s just say through using Smile Brilliant, it has given me a more confident smile; even my 5 year old approves. They made sure that I was able to have all questions answered and addressed any questions or concerns throughout the process. Did I mention the system is professional grade?

I received my kit in the mail which included the following: tools to make impressions for the teeth (including extra paste in case I messed up), syringes of whitening gel and desensitizing gel, instructions and tips to follow, and a case for my trays. Making the impressions was a bit nerve wrecking for me because I didn’t want to mess things up. After I did the first one, though, my nerves were at ease, as it was pretty simple. The instructions really did make it easy to follow. After the dental mold dried, I shipped them off in the prepaid mailer, to be sent to Smile Brilliant’s lab. In about a weeks time, I received my whitening trays. They are made of a flexible plastic, which fit perfectly and comfortably on my teeth. This marked the official start of my teeth whitening journey.

I typically whiten in the evenings before bed. I started with a 45 minute session working my way up to an hour and half. You can whiten up to 3 hours per session, but I could never reach this. This was mostly due to me ready to go to bed prior to the 3 hours was reached, and partially due to the over abundance of saliva (which is normal). During the hour or so, I still managed to partake in my evening routine and activities, which include putting my kiddos to bed. My husband and kids would mess with me as I muffled my words through the trays, they found it quite comical. Historically, without ever completing a whitening process, I knew I had sensitive teeth, and so I opted to utilizing the desensitizing gel. After whitening, I’d brush my teeth, rinse out the trays, then apply the desensitizing gel. I would keep it on for about 20 minutes. What I found most surprising was that I didn’t have any issue with teeth sensitivity, so perhaps the desensitizing gel worked, but I did have slight gum sensitivity. I reached out to my contact at Smile Brilliant and she proposed that I apply Vaseline to my gums before treatment. I tried this, it worked but I didn’t not experience any more gum sensitivity any time after that 1 instance. Halfway through, I was so impressed by the results that I sent pictures to my family, as I didn’t expect it to work so quickly.

Whitening while I work

Now that I’m done, I’m so blown away by the results and I would completely recommend Smile Brilliant. I have an instagrammable smile, so no more photo-editing apps needed any. A few pros about using the trays vs other methods is that they provide complete coverage, they are safe for both your enamel and gums, and the results are both noticeable and permanent. If you have any questions about my experience with Smile Brilliant’s teeth whitening system, please feel free to direct message me or post a comment below.

Before

After

Before - Side

After - Side

Great news!

You have an opportunity to win a Smile Brilliant Teeth Whitening System. You can enter by clicking on the link and signing up to win. Additionally, there is a code below for 15% off:

Giveaway link: www.smilebrilliant.com/g/ontrekmom

15% off store wide code: ontrekmom15

As always, thanks for reading, XOXO!

Tooth Whitening Gel