I once read this quote that resonated with me.
Marriage love is eternal, but it’s also daily, about as daily and unromantic as housekeeping. It is through daily practices and disciplines, whether we feel like doing them or not, that the decision to love is renewed and refreshed, and the commitment of love is kept alive (Rebecca DeYoung).
Strange to see marriage, love and housekeeping in the same sentence, eh? But if you do not maintain your house daily, chaos ensues, right? This is especially the case if you have little people. I have no clue how my kids can destroy a space in seconds! Just like you have to maintain your car, your house, etc, you have to maintain your marriage. In the beginning, it is much easier to make that a priority. As time passes, you get comfortable, life gets busy, and maybe even kids come into play. I never understood how kids could cause strain on a marriage until we had our first. Between the lack of sleep, the breastfeeding, the postpartum depression/anxiety, the physical pain and changes my body endured, the newness of the journey, parenting differences, the lack of support which led to the lack of date nights, the fear of leaving baby, adjusting to work with my new normal…just to name a few, all started to create a wedge between my husband and I. We did not mean for it to happen and honestly that 4th trimester is a huge blur of exhaustion. We finally went out to dinner one night and had nothing to say to each other. That was a wake up call. We realized the importance of prioritizing us second to God. Our goal is to grow together, not apart.
While walking through the dollar section of Target, I saw these little mailboxes for $1. I love happy mail and my hubby loves words, so this had the making of a perfect way for us to re-connect/connect! Side note, but have you ever taken the 5 Love Languages of Love Quiz? Interesting enough, my husband’s and mine are the complete opposite (haha). He is words of affirmation and physical touch and those were my last two. Mine are quality time and gifts (which is closely tied with acts of service). I have always had this weird issue with expressing myself verbally, it is much easier to write it out and even then I struggle to fully convey my thoughts. I think this blog is definitely challenging me and the mailbox definitely challenges me to express myself more. My husband expresses himself so beautifully and eloquently and the opposite ha. I will have to start posting some of his poems and letters.
Here is how we do the mailboxes. We place them on our nightstands and randomly throughout the day/month/year, we drop a note to each other. We have had apology letters in there, appreciation letters, short letters, love letters, and just plain expressing how we feel (whether related to us or just life) letters. Once the letter is in the mailbox, we put up the flag to let the other one know it is in there. Simple as that. It really does create a deeper level of intimacy as it is a glimpse into our hearts and minds, with no interruptions. This is one red flag that I look forward to seeing! We have been doing this for almost 4 years now.
As mentioned above Target sells these small mailbox tins that we use, but I am sure you can find similar at Walmart, Amazon, Hobby Lobby, or maybe even At Home. Ours are gold and silver, super old now, the color is even fading, but I did confirm there are more at Target and they have new colors.
My challenge to you reading is to join us in this mailbox of love! Perhaps start Feb 1 and do it for 2 weeks leading up to valentines day. You can even do this for your kids, or even just to show yourself some love. You won’t regret it! I have learned more about my husband through this and have even learned more about myself.
If you do this or something similar, I would LOVE to hear if so and even how it goes if you are comfortable sharing.
As always, thanks for reading. XoXo
